Prince: The Beautiful Ones (1984)

Prince is probably the greatest living musician. We don't have to explain that here at Latex and Vinyl. But his hits often overshadow some of his less-known tracks, which are sometimes just as good or better than favorites like "Little Red Corvette" and "When Doves Cry".

"The Beautiful Ones" is a journey to another sex-dimension. In this dimension, only beautiful ones exist, and the only job people have is making love under starry nights and smoking the best weed. The wistful keyboards that drone throughout this are magical, evoking scantily clad forest nymphs and gondola rides with loved ones through serene Venice canals in winter. In a get-down playlist, this is the undeniable, show-stopping climax.

Pun intended.

Michael Jackson: I Can't Help It (1979)

You know the feeling. You met her at last call. She's going to break your heart. But you're a man with needs and heartbreak be damned: you can't help it if you wanted to.

MJ got this all the way back in '79, and put it on vinyl with some of the most beautiful understated keys of the decade. This is a song that is beyond description. It simply is love, or whatever our damaged, flawed earthly souls can create to equate to the Platonic ideal of love. So the next time you're at the club and the DJ's expecting you to request Billie Jean or Beat It, pleasantly surprise her with this and a kiss on the cheek.

Then get down.

Firefly: Forget It (1980)

Italo Disco might not seem like the best choice for a night with a beautiful woman. It's a little goofy, it's written by white people, and it's usually up-tempo and rarely subtle.

But you can only hold back for so long, and when it's time to just throw the roses in the garbage and return that nice bottle of wine for a 40oz of Colt .45 and a pack of magnum condoms, Firefly's got you covered. The recurring expression, "Relax and surrender to me" is bold the way men used to be before they all watched Ellen and drove Honda Fits. It is a simple declarative statement with unambiguous intent, much like the song.

Barry White: Your Sweetness is My Weakness

Barry White is to sex what the Kodiak is to bears: without equal. It's a testament to good songwriting and the powers of a baritone range that you can still get laid even if you are a giant four-hundred human hamburger.

This is a tune for any occasion. From the delicate, snowflakes-falling-on-the-windowsill tenderness of the Fender Rhodes at the song's start, to the all-out climax midway through, where Barry's risking a heart attack to deliver the song's powerful message, it is a whirlwind tour through a funky lovescape; a magic carpet ride to a better world where men like Barry ride white horses on windswept shores and never die.

Darondo: Such a Night (1973)

Legend has it Darondo was an actual Hollywood pimp back in the 70's who wrote music he could listen to in his all-white Rolls while he kept an eye on his tricks working the corner.

Don't let his sordid past unsettle you. You don't have to be into sexual slavery to get down to his smooth buttered falsettos, which crest and break on the shores of love with a tenderness matched only by the late great Marvin Gaye. Whether it's a passionate night at home by the fireplace or a long slow drive to the liquor store, Darondo's gonna be there for you. Love is on your side.

Barrett Strong - Money (That’s What I Want) (1959)

Hours ago you robbed a bank in a foreign country and are now safely inside a seedy motel room with mountains of cash. The local currency depreciated against the dollar today, but you’re more sophisticated than most bank robbers, so you took a long position in the appropriate futures contracts last week. Unfortunately, the hookers you picked up don’t speak English and you need something to fill the silence. Fortunately, Mr. Strong has the solution.

Kraftwerk - Spacelab (1978)

Sex and/or fucking allows the common man to escape from almost anything. But even this exceptionally escapist activity is impotent when confronted by gravity. Well, unless you're listening to “Spacelab.”

Curtis Mayfield - The Makings of You (1970)

Curtis is instant romance.  Why spend weeks eating at expensive restaurants, buying useless flowers, and convincing a woman you can see into her soul when spinning this Mayfield track has a similar, yet less pretentious, effect?  I’ve never had lamb, and I don’t find children joyful, but even I can feel the love.